tgob

German's Rock Da Bicycle!

I can't help but believe there is something sexual driving this idea.

Some (More) Advice

A friend was beyond mystified that I was such a bike riding fiend of late.  He had a number of questions on how to get started, the right gear to buy, how to be safe on the road, etc.  It was an awesome moment because I realized I didn't have a clue on any of these topics.  But then I realized that I wasn't being fair to myself.  I am constantly learning what NOT to do in a series of very painful and daily lessons. 

So I thought I would share some more of these in order to potentially help others.

Rule Number 1: "Never, ever, go into a bike store."  There is no such thing as "looking around" in a bike shop.  These places will suck your wallet dry and can sense a credit card within 30 paces.

Rule Number 2:  If you find you need a tiny, little, isty-bitsy item - RESIST!!!  See rule number one!!  You never, ever go into a bike store.  Not for a bike.  Not for a pump.  And definitely never for a tiny little itsy bitsy item beckoning you from the shop window! Your entire existence is devoted to avoiding all bike stores like the PLAGUE that they are.  Because sooner or later you are going to drop your guard and walk in with a simple request like "Excuse me, where do I find little $10 pouches that hang under my seat?".  In bike sales-guy-woman speak this is actually, "Help, I have to spend $1000 before I drool all over the $3500 bike in the window..."

Rule Number 3: In the event you must purchase something from a bike store, abide by rule number one and pay one of the kids on the street to run in and purchase it for you.  Give him three to four times what the item costs (BUT NO CREDIT CARD) and pray he has the fortitude to withstand their charms and not use his own credit card.

Rule Number 4: Beware of standing outside the shop accosting kids to buy things for you.  Not everyone understands.  Some woman called the police and accused me of being a pedometer.  Sheesh.

Canada Votes!

Today is Election Day in Canada. We care because if we wanted to live in Iran or North Korea, we would have biked there a long time ago. The very future of our great liberal nation is being decided, and our deep held values of fairness, inclusiveness and peace-making are at risk of being devoured by dangerous right-wing zealots. Here at TGOB, our vote will not be going to Mr. Stephen Harper and his 17th century inspired policies. Say NO to neocons! Say NO to lego hair!

True Harper

Thanks to Travis Gordon for the cartoon.

Westward Bound - Oct 11 2008

Our goal was simple.  Ride the Belt Line trail westward.

The 4 minute recap video of our day (embedded above) shows our journey to the Brick Works Farmers' Market, an introduction to the best butter tarts in Canada, a review of our pastry habits by the renowned nutritionist Julie Daniluk and an unforeseen and rather expensive stop at the best bike shop in the city, Urbane Cyclist.

The savvy among you may have noticed that there is no footage in the recap of us riding on the trail.  Nor is the Belt Line trail shown on our google route map above.

We keep our goals simple.  We find that they have to be if we desire any chance of successful completion.  But sometimes even that is not enough.  Remi brought his Bianchi road racer and refused to ride the trails to even get near the Belt Line trail.  Instead we toured Richmond Hills, discussed farting beneath the Chin Crystal and had coffee and pastries at Whole Foods.  And then a purchase of my new beast of burden at Urbane Cyclist.

Note to self.  Riding on Mt Pleasant Blvd in Toronto is akin to riding on a freeway without bike lanes while brushing ones teeth.  Definitely not recommended unless you have a fetish for ambulance rides and road rash.

Lessons of a Novice Bike Guy

Here are a few lessons I have learned in the past few weeks as a novice and normal guy on a bike.

1. You should remove your bike kit from your backpack before getting on a plane.  They don't like patch kits, tools or very expensive emergency compact air pumps.  I was late for my flight and now get the joy or purchasing these items all over again.
2. It's totally cool to ride your bike while sick.  It's not so cool to be hacking up and spitting out phlegm everywhere.  There's a lady on Broadview who is gonna get me with her cane.  She's ready this time and I'm very sorry.
3. Those locks with the cool cables and extra bits that turn your locked bike into an impenetrable fortress sound good in the store but really aren't worth the $90+. You will almost always be in too much of a hurry to do more than put the main part around your frame and run.
4. Practice simple sounding things before performing them in public.  Remi told me that you can just turn your bike upside down to run into a store as it takes a thief a few seconds to turn it over.  The idea being you can run out and get beat up before they steal your bike.  Sounded good to me.  Only turning a bike upside down sounds easy... if you don't turn it into a very painful mating dance like I did.  Much to the enjoyment of the shopkeeper and the patrons.

Photo Source: exzivi

Mission Accomplished!

Two Guys on Bikes (TGOB) was formed around a simple idea: we start at a specific location and we bike to another specific location. It is very much in the spirit of your morning commute, you start at home and end up at work. Except if you do it the way we do it, you may not make it to the office until three in the afternoon, and the office may not be the right office.

Let me explain by recapping our short history of rides...

Trip No. 1
From: The Brickworks, to: The Beach.

We started the day an hour late (I was looking at recumbent bike websites. Don't judge me!)

We met at Sean's house where he teased me for being late, because he is always punctual and on time. Not!  After he got it out of his system we rode like mad down Pottery Road. Sean wanted to off-road down a rough trail along the train tracks. I followed on my cruiser weary of sharp rocks that could cause flats. Of course it was Sean who got a flat.  Again.

We figured that we could fix the flat by pumping more air into it with a borrowed high tech pump with a PSI gage. It worked, for a while at least. The bicycle pump fascinated Sean, he had never seen such a device!

So off we went to Velotique - a really cool bike accessories only store. There we stood for about an hour and watched Sean drop hundreds on his new pump, polyurethane jacket, power bars, repair manuals and spoke cleaner fluid.  Then we went home.

Mission Failed

Trip No. 2.
From: The Brickworks, to: Edward Gardens.

Ok ... so this time we were more serious. We were to meet at the Brickworks. This time I was up early and ready to rock! (I avoided all bike related websites.)

I arrived early at the Brickworks farmers market and readily consumed a breakfast of 5 organic mini-potatoes from a tiny coffee cup, and it only cost me 5 bucks! A steal!

I awaited the sight of my bike-pals among the many SUVs being parked by their no-doubt eco-conscious farmers market visitors. The bike gang arrived together in a mass of arguing over who had the keys for the bike locks.  After some breakfast and Sean issuing a warning to a stilt-walker (don't ask), we took off on our bikes in high spirits. We traveled north along the Don River paths, the wind in our hair, the sun upon our faces, it was so sweet! We coasted in silence and just took in the ride. And then Sean got a flat tire. Again. So we walked our bikes up to a Canadian Tire to purchase a tire and the tools to repair a flat.

Mission Failed

Trip No. 3.
From: The Brickworks (oh man...again?), to: The Leslie Street Spit.

This time I opted out of the Brickworks and had brunch with a friend, Mark "The Western Canon", at Toast. This is a fantastic Queen East eatery. There Mark diagnosed me with Midway Disease, based on my fear of amusement parks. I looked for it on the Internets later that day, but could not find it. I think he just made it up.

While we were munching on home fries, the boys  were in crisis. Eli, Sean's partner, fell of his bike at some speed and cut and bruised his lower extremities. After some on-site First Aid consisting of Oak Leaves and Sean's spit (ewww...) he was back on the bike and the boys continued on to meet with me at Mercury Espresso Bar, where I was onto freshly squeezed lemonade.

After some more proper First Aid on the patio for Eli, we all settled into coffee and conversation. Three hours later we remembered the Spit - our destination! We waved goodbye to The Western Canon and slid toward the lake through the old school streets of Lesliville.

The Spit was full people riding their bikes, walking, and running. Some shirtless, some not. Sean continued to point out that "we are riding on garbage" and I shared a personal hygiene story best left off this post. We arrived at the lighthouse in good spirits, watched some sailboats, and then Sean competed with other crazies on mountain bikes. We left with an unusual feeling of satisfaction pointed our bikes back toward the city for a celebratory drink and dinner. Simple.

Mission Accomplished!

And it only took us 8 hours to ride 2 KM.

Welcome to Two Guys on Bikes

This started as a crazy dream.  To ride some of the most beautiful bikes all over the world.  One day over way too many beers, Remi and I decided we wanted to tour across Europe riding something sexy like the Masi Soulville. 

We are just two guys on bikes who enjoy cruising around cities.  Have you ever seen those dudes in the full body racing suits on the 3000 dollar knock-off touring bikes?  Well, we're not them.  We spend more time inside pubs and bars than on the road.  I'd say we are sort of the nemesis of the biking fanatics.  We don't have special compartments for our backup shoes or imported $30 cycle protein bars.  We often forget the little things like water, maps, repair gear and the like.

This past weekend we had one of our first adventures (in Toronto).

[missing photo of Sean on muddy dirtbike and Remi on his cruiser... "forced" on an offroad trail...]

Our friend Stephen wanted to go up to the Edwards Botanical Gardens.  Can we say, "boring!!!"  But the route he proposed sounded like fun so we agreed to go.  We were to start at the Evergreen Brick Works for their tasty farmers market every Saturday morning until around noon.  Then we were going to work our way up the trails to the garden for old folks.

(click to enlarge)

But wait.  Did I mention we were starting at the Evergreen Brickworks Farmers Market?  Forget everything you know about farmer's markets.  This one has chefs, power, hot burritos, gourmet french fries with aioli and the most amazing organic ice cream.  Not to mention all those fruits and vegetable things.

But what about the trip?  The gardens?  The victorian heritage roses?  We never ended up there.  Luckily I got a flat.  Again.  Likely taking that cool offroad path to Evergreen right after you pass Toddmorden Hills and cross the bridge. But I did learn how to put my back tire back on.  And we did find an awesome cafe in the heart of Bayview Village.  Very yummy dumplings. 

[Chai.         1575 Bayview Avenue.]

One of our crew peeled off for home and we took the Bayview extension at crazy top speed all the way down to River street.  Okay.  I took the extension at a neck-break, frame vibrating speed.  Remi lost his chain.  Again.  Funny that he was the one who almost died.

Image Sources: psuba98