tgob

Some (More) Advice

A friend was beyond mystified that I was such a bike riding fiend of late.  He had a number of questions on how to get started, the right gear to buy, how to be safe on the road, etc.  It was an awesome moment because I realized I didn't have a clue on any of these topics.  But then I realized that I wasn't being fair to myself.  I am constantly learning what NOT to do in a series of very painful and daily lessons. 

So I thought I would share some more of these in order to potentially help others.

Rule Number 1: "Never, ever, go into a bike store."  There is no such thing as "looking around" in a bike shop.  These places will suck your wallet dry and can sense a credit card within 30 paces.

Rule Number 2:  If you find you need a tiny, little, isty-bitsy item - RESIST!!!  See rule number one!!  You never, ever go into a bike store.  Not for a bike.  Not for a pump.  And definitely never for a tiny little itsy bitsy item beckoning you from the shop window! Your entire existence is devoted to avoiding all bike stores like the PLAGUE that they are.  Because sooner or later you are going to drop your guard and walk in with a simple request like "Excuse me, where do I find little $10 pouches that hang under my seat?".  In bike sales-guy-woman speak this is actually, "Help, I have to spend $1000 before I drool all over the $3500 bike in the window..."

Rule Number 3: In the event you must purchase something from a bike store, abide by rule number one and pay one of the kids on the street to run in and purchase it for you.  Give him three to four times what the item costs (BUT NO CREDIT CARD) and pray he has the fortitude to withstand their charms and not use his own credit card.

Rule Number 4: Beware of standing outside the shop accosting kids to buy things for you.  Not everyone understands.  Some woman called the police and accused me of being a pedometer.  Sheesh.

Lessons of a Novice Bike Guy

Here are a few lessons I have learned in the past few weeks as a novice and normal guy on a bike.

1. You should remove your bike kit from your backpack before getting on a plane.  They don't like patch kits, tools or very expensive emergency compact air pumps.  I was late for my flight and now get the joy or purchasing these items all over again.
2. It's totally cool to ride your bike while sick.  It's not so cool to be hacking up and spitting out phlegm everywhere.  There's a lady on Broadview who is gonna get me with her cane.  She's ready this time and I'm very sorry.
3. Those locks with the cool cables and extra bits that turn your locked bike into an impenetrable fortress sound good in the store but really aren't worth the $90+. You will almost always be in too much of a hurry to do more than put the main part around your frame and run.
4. Practice simple sounding things before performing them in public.  Remi told me that you can just turn your bike upside down to run into a store as it takes a thief a few seconds to turn it over.  The idea being you can run out and get beat up before they steal your bike.  Sounded good to me.  Only turning a bike upside down sounds easy... if you don't turn it into a very painful mating dance like I did.  Much to the enjoyment of the shopkeeper and the patrons.

Photo Source: exzivi